Lately I have been feeling like if the universe is upside down, inside out, I don't know ... just want to change the universe or disturb it somehow…with not regrets, with any indecisions…I just want to make everyone happy and wish for their safety…I want everyone to like me…day and day out I try to please everyone I come across…why am I stuck in this frame …this might sound like Neo?:How can one be free::…illusions of love, happiness and of being free only in our frame of mind, I think…it’s only when one to disturb the frame, we are free.

* I apologize for this moment in time …for the people who aren't really happy with me ....I guess

* I always hope for happy ending, how crazy is that.

 In short:

- …had a dream where Virgin Management hired an assassin to take me out?

- …haven't slept in 24 hrs...

- …shit load of cds needs to be dissected...

- …pimples are bound for greatness

- ...I miss sitting on the roof of the ferry …staring at the starry night …while the moon is the only one riding along …I miss the seafood on the ferry...I miss the dewy morning…I miss breathing…I miss running around with no worries…I miss the rain …I miss Bangladesh...

- ...I just want everyone ...I mean everyone around me ...to be happy!

- ...new pictures from st louis...karoke...and blah blah...

http://photobucket.com/albums/a173/goolander7/

- …can’t please everyone …not so satisfied minds...

- I heart you hunny bunny!

Currently Watching Havoc (Unrated Version) see related

Since I haven’t had the chance to update this bitch…may be Ill do it now…

Anyway….there are so many things I want to mention but don’t know if it’s worth it…whatever….I have been writing unconventional and conventional prose, songs, poems for long as I can remember then in 2000 the wonders of relationships blessed me with depression, which inspired me to read all the volumes of Paradise Lost, Oscar Wilde, Paul Auster, and Dan Millerman’s writings. Eventually through all sorts of soul searching I discovered the wonder of Zen. This so called inner peace lifestyle gave me wisdom to write twelve prose through out the year 2001. Since then, I haven’t written anything that had so much heartache. Over the years I wrote many songs and such for classes and to Emily…but how can pain be so powerful…and why does it reflect on us eventually on paper so boldly….I could never understand that… It’s just in recent months I haven’t been feeling anything and don’t feel like writing anymore…I tell all my friends and Emily what they need to know …or what I would write…but I don’t know…emotional laziness…random free screenings, concerts, vamping jazz on my Goo pod, position at Virgin and classes everyday….lack of time taking a toll on me, I think...we'll see in time. Noticeably I am becoming part of the system …part of the chain it seems. Eventually, …(I’ll leave it up to your imagination)…

Some things I wanted to share with you:

…I hum the theme song from Indiana Jones or “Yellow Submarine” when I pee!

…On Halloween I dressed up as Hamburgler name Frank [Sinatra]!

…I walk around the Central Park listening to Elton John’s tiny dancer and goodbye Yellow brick road before going to work!

…I love my new position…it’s so chaotic that I actually enjoy being there….imagine the holiday season…holy cow!

…When I watch LOST…I am completely and utterly …you guessed it LOST. I haven’t loved any shows since Cheers, Mcgyver, Wonder Years or 24.

….I love New York City…minus all the shit that makes the news. I love Fort Tryon Park, Morningside Heights, and love to get lost in Central Park and end up where I began to get lost.

…I love to listen and sing Christmas songs specially during this time of the year…Summer is great …just to think winter is near and isotopic composition will be all over the city gives me so much joy … so last week I am listening to Buble’s Chistmas EP on the N train going to work…on the 5^th Ave. station this nice tall blond walked in and sat next to me, couple of stations passed by …soon thereafter,  I noticed she was laughing and looking at my Goo pod …why I wondered? She held her 60 GB pod at my face….what you know …she was listening to Nat King Cole’s Christmas songs…so we struck up a small conversation about New York City and “Serendipity.”

……Last winter …something happened....which I do not want to get into ....imagine ...what if .. we sang in our head and what if someone actually heard it……ahh yeahhhh …I think I should I go…

Currently Listening Michael Buble/Christmas By Michael Buble see related

Please, one day and one thing at a time. Laughter shall fuel your spirit’s engine. Eternal coupling. Great unknown. Reasons. Colors. Twilight. Drop of blood. Existence. Sacrifice. Faith. Endure. Embrace. Love.

This is been long time coming I guess. So much has changed and shifted back and forth in the past month that I haven’t had any chance to collect thyself. Took me a while to overcome couple of challenges, demons and such; sure there are more; they’ll never stop. In the name of stopping :::stop raining:::; seven days of relentless rain; refrigerators and homeless people are floating by; I helplessly stare and wander.

Natural disasters are at their worst this year. Thanks to the mankind of the planet Earth. Next stop Mars? The future seems so dim and uncertain; for not just me but for everyone. Where are we going? Latest technologies, commercial airliners in space, one country playing police, over six billion people, cancerous ozone layer, greenhouse isn’t so green, famine, diseases, war, not knowing what is going to happen on LOST and 24 -= uncertain future. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Life is moving on forward on the non-consequential bridge (there are no right or wrong; just consequences); as I have been wishing and hoping. One day at a time. Striding nice and slow in my last semester:::sigh:::it feels so nice to say that; soon enough I’ll be out of there with GPA of 3.8. Only then can I look forward establishing my certainty in the portal of uncertainty. No one knows what’s out there but knowing yourself helps a lot. It’s what you make out in life and for yourself.

All right, so I am taking opera, sculpture and world cultural music. Easy breezy Scar-tas-tic. And trying to be consistent with lifting weights,; it’s hard between concerts, movies and work. Virgin has been good lately; met Joss Stone, Heather Graham and Fiona Apple couple of weeks ago, holy cow! Unintentional attempt to flirt with Joss failed miserably but she thought it was sweet. (go check out History of Violence) Ok ….sweet. I think I’ll go to work now.

summer 05' pix....
goolander7 photo album - Photobucket.com

take your time  ...

Currently Listening Sketches (For My Sweetheart the Drunk) [CD-Extra] By Jeff Buckley Nightmares By The Sea see related

Since I got back from one of the best trip I ever (got to do various things …such as visit Graceland, Jeff Buckley’s drowning site, got to hang out with Emily …oh it was such a good time until…) like I was saying, soon as I got off the plane I was faced with SHIT load of crap….still dealing with it. All these crap haven’t let me relax yet. Everytime I think I can sit and relax someone or something just corners me to a wall …can’t seem to shake it out. I just want to get done with school at this point, get my driver license and look for jobs in New York City or elsewhere. All these thunderous tests are just bringing me down it seems; but I am breathing with positive attitude, being very hopeful and believing the good in humanity. (if you treat someone or something with respect, honor him/her for what/who they are or treat them the right way; only the good is inevitable).

I am trying so hard not to fall into an angry heart broken rebellious phase, alcohol, depression…trying to keep my focus...I have been on the right lane to do whatever I promised YOU. There just couple of more things before I wrap up my long college life so I can start living and then worry about rent, bills, car payments and a relationship.

Here is a song for you ….. .Simple Gifts:

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'Tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
to bow and to bend, we will not be ashamed
To turn, turn, will be our delight,
'Til by turning, turning, we come round right

Currently Listening Colour the Small One By Sia Breathe me see related